Two Important Questions Answered

Since I started this blog I have had many, many visitors. As a matter of fact it has been quite a pleasant blessing to see how many of you are reading it.

Some of you (although very few) leave comments in the comment section. Others of you use the email link and send me emails. No matter how you connect with me, I love hearing from you!!

There have been a few, though, that have contacted me with questions. Usually the same two questions. Even my husband has received an email or two asking about them... so I’ve decided it’s time I set the record straight. If it doesn’t, then feel free to let me know!

Question 1: What is a married single mom?
She is a married woman who finds herself raising her children alone.

This could be because her husband has a job/career that keeps him away or out of the house for extended periods of time, or that does not allow him to have consistent hours that he can schedule to be home. Examples of careers like this would be medical doctors, truck drivers, business owners, executives, lawyers, military personnel, etc.

Perhaps her husband is unavailable not because of a career but for health issues such as a chronic or terminal illness, or mental health issues.

There are married women who choose to stay true to their vows of marriage while their husbands serve time in prison. Some married single moms have the difficult circumstance of maintaining a home and raising a family, often while working full-time, while their husbands are otherwise engaged in addictions or personal pursuits. There are innumerable reasons out there – some noble, some selfish, some tragic – that separate husbands from the function of their families.
The married single mom, whom I often refer to as a solo parent, is one who chooses to remain married. A married single mom does not necessarily feel that her marriage is bad, or that her husband is ‘the bad guy’. However, a solo parent uniquely feels the weight of carrying the burden of parenting alone, doing the tasks of a single mom while also striving to keep her marriage healthy and growing during her husband’s absence.

Question 2: What does my husband, Trent, think of this blog and my upcoming book?
I could tell you the truth: He is my biggest support. He has read every page of the book, and every blog that I’ve posted. He is my loudest encourager. His heart, like mine, is bent toward having God use every moment of our lives – the good, the bad and the ugly – to glorify Him. I could tell you all that, but I think for the first time, I’ll let a guest blog a little something.

Let me introduce you to my incredible, although sometimes absent husband, Dr. Trent Coroy!

Ah, now that was sneaky! I sit down to read through this and find a section I’m supposed to fill in! Grin...

It’s interesting, the typical comment I get from men as I enthuse about Carla Anne’s book and ministry to married moms who solo parent is, “And you’re okay with that?” Yes, I’m very okay with that. Solo parenting is an all-too-common reality, it’s all around us. Our prayer is that we might share some of the hope and encouragement we have found with others who struggle with that reality.

A word to men. This is not about shame or blame. This is about recognizing the challenges our wives face when we are absent. It can be tough, brutally tough. If that’s a wake-up call for you, if God uses something here to prompt you to make some changes to better support and engage with your family – well good! I wish my wake-up call had been much earlier in our marriage. But that’s not the main point of all this.

Husbands, you may read through some of this material and find yourself thinking, “Wait a minute, what about me? What about everything I’ve gone through? There’s another side to this!” Yes, there is. There is another story, and it’s important, and God cares about it, but this isn’t its place. Perhaps in another time and place we can talk about that. While we are here, let’s clear the wax out of our ears and listen a bit, for the hearts of our wives, and the details of their story.

God has blessed me with a husband that loves Him. Although this single parenting lifestyle has put our marriage through its share of testing, stretching and growing, we have God to thank for what we have together today.

Our story is not one of perfect love and never-ending romance. That’s hard to do when you sometimes don’t see each other enough! We’re real people, trying to have a date night at home with a teenager’s music blaring in the background, or squeaking in a few serious discussions about discipline on the phone before the battery dies. We sometimes forget each other’s birthdays, and argue on the way to church. We are two people dedicated to loving God, loving others and letting Him use our lives to do that.